hmmm...

well, i feel much better than i did last night. actually, after talking to people and crying, i felt better.

i think that when i want to cry, i will, and i won't try and stop it.

but still, i feel much better.

its not a sad and pathetic feeling...

its sort of like anger, but not really. its like, the heat of anger is running in my blood, and i feel like i wanna do something, anything... mean? bad? but that's not it either.
its not an evil feeling, though i feel as though it could be.

i have no idea what i'm talking about. its hard to describe what i'm feeling.

Kyle, I think you are right. I think i need to get drunk. but, maybe not tonight. but, perhaps soon? i'm not sure about that either.

and i've decided to be less selfish.

i know, i don't think i can do it either, but i'm gonna try.

there was something else i was going to do...

Oh yah! my new years resolution!! Be less afraid. embrace my fears! stuff like that.

probably not going to happen either, but still...

***

have you ever thought something, and believed something, just because someone said it? and not just like, one time or anything, but lots of times? so you find yourself believing this thing, even though, deep down, you know that you don't, not truly?

just a thought...